It's been a while but I'm all back to blogging! I recently had my first child ( a beautiful baby girl) I am also currently pursuing music as well as getting back to my art. In between the awesomeness, I found myself having to leave a toxic relationship with the father of my child. As I embark on a different journey, I've taken the time to go within. It was and still is a traumatic and grieving experience to realize that what I was in unhealthy relationship. As I've taken the time to go within I've learned some valuable lessons:
1. Go within and do the shadow work or inner work.
- I spent a month before I left the toxic relationship dynamic to focus on why I was staying in an abusive situation. The wounds I carried became glaringly apparent and reflected my relationship dynamic at the time. I had to realize I was staying in that abusive relationship to keep the peace for the sake of our child. I'm glad I found the strength to realize this and move on. No, it wasn't easy but it was strength that allowed me to remove myself from a unhealthy dynamic that no longer served me.
2. Inner child work.
-I had to "innerstand" that prolonging that relationship was a reflection of my own inner child wounding from the past. I am currently in the process of learning to parent myself as well as self-soothing my inner child. It's disciplined work, I won't always get it right but I make a point to be aware each day.
3. Boundaries.
- In the past, I didn't have a lot of boundaries with romantic partners, friends, or family. As I've taken more time to reflect, I have come to define what I will and NOT tolerate. I realized that having boundaries is healthy and it is ok to be assertive. I am now moving to a place where I can draw the line in the sand and walk away when the line is crossed.
A dear friend of mine wrote a poem conceived from my painting above and it resonates very well with my experience.
Winds of Change
These Northeast-Northwest winds have blown
And water of the womb is known
To separate the truth of things
From what the kind delusion brings:
The only steady wind is change
Which doesn't get less strange.
So Words are never here to tell
Nor Mystic Symbols meant to spell
The frequencies of those who fell
As winds of change arrange
The deft considerations left behind
The loss and loss of mind
and all the broken bonds
Which are, in kind,
Reborn.
The possibilities we mourn
When we dismiss what must remain.
The winds of change
Blow not in vain
And thinking so is quite a way
To lose that piece of peace of mind and
Let you
Leave your
Self in Sane.
Is this the frame
On which you'd stake your claim?
The winds of change will
Throw your aim
And leave you lost in entropy
And it wouldnt have to be
If you could learn to listen
No
I'm telling you to stop
And see
Its not too late to christen
What comes next
Our sun-soaked Mother always was and never ceased to show
The vernal path we all may come to know
And understand:
The chalice is the covenant
The blood it brings can set us free
If we, one other, each engage
We'll sail the winds of change.
- Artemis St. James
I will be sharing more new art as well as insights I have learned in the future so stay tuned. In the meantime, if you are currently experiencing a toxic relationship dynamic, I have a tik tok @numoonhealing. Feel free to check it out!
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