Imagine this, you’re at home, a place where you're supposed to feel safe and protected. It’s a cold November morning. You are in your PJs, going quietly about your day. Suddenly, there’s a knock on your door. You go downstairs to answer the door. You see two officers who want to confirm who you are. Without any other questions, you are told there is a warrant out for your arrest, and you must be taken into custody. You’re in a state of shock. Surely, they have the wrong person. However, officers insist you are indeed whom they have come for. They provide no time to change clothes, your questions make them angry and one of them reaches for their gun in impatience. You know at that moment; you have no choice but to comply. You can feel every inch of your body shaking in fear as you hear your partner’s protests in the background. It seems as if you’re being kidnapped from your own home.
That is only the beginning of the nightmare. You are brought into custody. Placed in small rooms. You can overhear officers confirming without any solid evidence confirming that you, my dear, are indeed a criminal. You begin to think: What happened to innocent before proven guilty? After an exhausting day of waiting, you are placed in a cell with no sheets, just a toilet and the never-ending sounds of shouting and wailing of distance inmates all night long.
The next day you are dragged from sleep, just before the sun has even had a chance to rise. You are placed in a cold metal van along with other inmates for more processing. Everything feels surreal. You’re on edge, but you’re relieved that you’re no longer in solitude. You finally go before a judge of Cook county, hoping to plead your case. Hoping for an opportunity for justice. But it doesn’t come. Your bail is set at an insane amount of money and you----my love, are now government property.
You know this is a mistake. You start to feel tiny, helpless, insignificant. Yet you try to remain strong. You find the smallest flicker of light inside yourself. You close your eyes and envision its glow. It continues to grow brighter and brighter. Even when you are moved from Cook county to Stevenson county, you maintain this flame. You also see someone else who also feels hopeless, a young girl who is lost and misguided. You hear her story in between meals and free time. You decide to take a little bit of the warmth you have and share it with your fellow inmate. You continue to meditate, you start to read, you learn to pray.
After a week, which feels like an eternity, your loved ones are able to scrape up the funds to help you make bail. You are finally set free in the dead hours of the night out into the cold December dark, scary looking road. You know you still have a long battle ahead.
You realize this whole incident and time behind bars was due to something you've never considered, your lost ID card. You've lost so many before and had them replaced but this time, someone was able to commit heinous crimes with your misplaced information.
You spend months trying to compile proof of your innocence, but nothing seems convincing. No one seems to believe you. You spend months in what feels like a never ending battle trying to prove your case. You even overhear from local residents visiting the court house who are familiar with this country’s court system. They state that because of your skin color, there is no way you’re going to come back from this. You almost convince yourself to stop fighting. But instead, you go within, embracing that same flame that got you through incarceration. Then, a miracle occurs. The judge believes you. Some call it luck or chance. You are wondering: Why did I have to endure this in the first place?
If you have a hard time imagining this story, it’s because it happened to me. I have spent the better part of over a year trying to process and heal from such a challenging experience. The art pieces shown are a part of a collection I call: Incarcerated.
This was a difficult story to tell, yet it needs to be told like so many others. Wrongful arrests of African Americans, is a serious issue plaguing the U.S. It has long term negative economic, social, and psychological effects. If you or someone you know who is currently having this experience, there are resources available. I follow an organization called Innocence Project and Equal Justice Initiative where they provide plenty of information regarding wrongful convictions and ways to assist victims. There are also plenty of research being conducted at educational institutions such as the Michigan State University and University of Illinois Springfield that bring awareness to racism in law enforcement which is essential to changing the future of our society.
This ordeal was a wake up for me not only about racial injustice but also identity theft. Identity theft is a real issue and cases are rising daily. If you suspect your identity has been compromised, or recently lost or misplaced any identification, I urge you to report it to your local law enforcement immediately. You can also take extra steps to secure yourself with resources such as LifeLock and Experian.
I can say that I am grateful to survive such an experience. The road to healing hasn't been easy. Some things that have aided me along this challenging journey:
Therapy: By talking with someone with an objective view has helped to regain back my confidence and voice. By processing what has happened to me, I can find ways to start moving forward.
Art: I've started exploring Intuitive Art, a form of coloring that allows me to get in touch with my emotions.
Mediation and Yoga: I’ve learned to connect to my body and thoughts to ground myself and live in the present moment. If you are located in Chicago- I especially love Heal and Chill sessions with LoveYouByeTM Yoga
Journaling: Writing down positive affirmations. Word dump. I find having a journal helps me to “see my thoughts”. Sometimes things makes sense, sometimes they don’t. I’m learning not to judge myself.
As always, I encourage others to find a course of action that is right for them. Please know that you aren’t alone and it's ok to seek professional help if necessary.
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