Struggle amongst change
I have always loved art as a child. Art IS my inner child. I lived for anything that involved paint, crayon, marker (the sharpie kind) it didn't matter- If it was color: Ioved it. I even took college level art. I was thrilled.
Somewhere down this journey we call life, I ended up losing sight of that. As I grew older, I took on more adult responsibilities including caring for my mother who was diagnosed with alzheimer's. Needless to say, I took on extra work and ditched my college dreams of being an artist/psychiatrist/musician ( I hadn't quite figured it out yet) to be a full time caretaker. I decided to pick up a trade in esthetics instead. The only thing that offered my some solace was my boyfriend at the time and that was even toxic.
Eventually the universe would have a plan of its own as I struggled to juggle home, school and work. My mother and I were evicted and mom ended having to live with my brother. I ended up a homeless certified esthetician, with an extremely part-time income ( I worked at a spa for tips). Essentially, I was was jobless and unsure where to turn. Luckily, I would have a high school friend who would let me crash rent free with his roommates until I could get back on my feet. While I will say, I wasn't too thrilled (for social anxiety reasons), I had no other options. I was still none the less grateful he would take on a stray like me. I would soon come to find community in the months to follow.
My new roommate introduced me to the other roomies and their friends who crashed there on a day to day basis. To plainly put it-We were a colorful bunch but we were almost like a little family. We experimented with cooking new dishes each week, stayed up late watching anime and even had a "friendsgiving" dinner for the holiday. I ended up not only living, but learning to really appreciate the people I shared a home with. I also learned to love parts of myself being with these authentic people. I felt nurtured. I would decide, during this experience, I would oblige my inner child and get back to painting. That, my friends, is when I created this "peace".
Painting allowed me to tap back into parts of myself that I had long forgotten. It had been awhile since I had really attempted to produce anything except a way to survive. I was at a point of complete surrender and had to trust that everything would be alright. Even though I initially felt alone, vulnerable, naked and ashamed-I was still covered in grace and my mother was in better hands. The purple represents the security that is always provided even when I thought I was falling. The golden yellow in the background represents new life and new beginnings.
In the end, I ended up landing a job utilizing my license as a makeup artist and I was paid a lot more than where I was before. I also ended up securing my first apartment and even found new love. It's funny how it all worked out when looking in retrospect.
Even in this day and age, a lot of things seem uncertain, it's easy to get caught up. It can be harder to surrender and to know that things will be ok. As I reflect on this piece, I've learned that even things that feel like chaos and destruction, can be divine re-direction. Sometimes it takes a moment of rest and surrender to get back to the heart.... that's what really matters.
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